2007-04-07 - 11:32 p.m.

mike's sister-in-law had her baby this weekend. it was a boy. the name has yet to be confirmed, but i'm sure we'll find out when we go to the hammer for easter tomorrow. we'll get to meet the little blob. "blob" is mike's word for newborns and i think it's hilarious.

so i get to be an unofficial aunt. i'm kinda "meh" about the whole thing. i don't like babies (as i'm sure everyone knows by now) and being an aunt just isn't a big deal for me.

i'm still trying to bounce back from that last rejection. the hardest thing about that one is that it was the last small publishing house on my list. i keep hearing that the smaller houses are easier to get in with - they're more willing to take a chance on unknown writers.

ace, daw, forge/tor and one other whose name escapes me at the moment are the big publisher's left. i don't know about them. i mean, the downside to smaller houses is that although they'll take chances on unknown authors, they're often more specific about the genre and subgenres. i think that may be what's against me. maybe the bigger houses are the way to go.

i have a hard time categorizing my trilogy. it took me a long time just to find out what it fits into. contemporary/urban fantasy is about the best label i can give it. well... alternate-world, urban fantasy. oi. yeah. so it fits into a bit of a weird category. i'm hoping that that's what i've got against me right now - that it's a very specific genre that just doesn't fit into the specific genres of the publishing houses i've tried.

just from browsing the fantasy section in bookstores, it seems like there's a wider range of selection in the bigger houses, but they'll also be harder to crack.

i keep clinging to that "maybe" i got a while back and remind myself of the good feedback i got from a couple of the smaller places. i really wish i knew how this whole thing works. it's so frustrating that i have no one to turn to for advice. maybe i can talk to the writer in residence at mac in the autumn.

while i often give off an air of arrogance (especially about my writing), people who really know me, know that it's a show. a show i have to put on to keep myself confident and keep going. my confidence is incredibly fragile a lot of the time and i'm full of these nagging doubts.

and all the stress from the new job and this houss-hunting shit and being sick all the time when i never get sick... it's all wearing me down. i think some time over the last week i cracked. i've lost what little patience i have and i've lost a lot of motivation. i'm worried that i'm sinking into depression again. this shitting fucking weather doesn't help either.

i wish the sun would shine and it would warm up. instead, it's -6 for the 3rd straight day and all my tulips are frozen and dying. it's just uninspiring. i wish i was a bear and i could just hibernate. i wonder if bears realize how lucky they've got it?

daily dose of stupid:
they never saw it coming
a thirteenth-century shepherd boy, stephen of vendome, was inspired by a vision to lead a children's crusade to free the holy land. although crusading armies had failed to defeat the muslims, stephen believed unarmed children would win out because they were sinless.
he inspired fifty thousand young crusaders, who followed him across france to the mediterranean - which stephen had predicted would part for them like the red sea for moses. instead, the children were abducted by traders and sold into slavery in egypt.

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